Changing
Being new to school was hard for me. It took me almost a whole semester to realize that changing ended up being for the worse. All the new friends, the new hobbies and addictions, none of it was going to help me later in life. But this is where I am now and I have many decisions to make. Do I keep all of these friends and risk my school career? Or do I ditch them to go back to the old me with one best friend? All of this seems like too much for a freshman in high school and it's getting to the point I’m about to give up.
Five months ago when I started school here in Oklahoma, it was the last place I wanted to be. I had lost my only best friend and started school knowing no one. I had no brothers or sisters to share this experience with; I was all on my own. All because my dad divorced my mom and forced us to move to this little town in the middle of no where. Throughout the first two months of school no body really noticed me. I was always the shy girl sitting in the back of the class room; invisible to most people, even the teacher. I knew I wasn't the prettiest person, but all I wanted was a friend. Eventually I decided I had to change to get what I wanted, so I did.
There was this one girl, Emily, who I sat next to in almost all of my classes. Since I was smarter than the average freshman I was put in a lot of tenth grade classes, mostly with her. She seemed popular and I would have normally thought I wouldn't have a chance fitting in with her, but I was open to change. One day we were sitting in class and she turned and looked at me, but then quickly looked the other way. All day I wondered what she wanted. Did she think I was weird? Did she want to be my friend?
"Noel?" I heard my name whispered in my ninth period history class. I turned to see who it was and it was Emily.
"Uhm, yes?" I responded, confused.
"I'm having a party tomorrow night, would you want to come? You have to be up to try some new things though."
"Sure! I'll go! But uhm, what kind of new things?" I replied, trying to hide my excitement.
"Well you know, the usual. Alcohol and different types of drugs."
I thought about this for about a second before I came to a decision, "Sure, I'll be there."
"Great! Just come to this address around nine," she handed me a note, "Can't wait!"
The whole rest of my day all I could think about was the party. The bus ride home felt like hours. All I wanted was to get home so I could plan everything. What to wear, how to get there, when to leave and so many other things. I barged in the door after school screaming, "Mom! Mom! Guess what!"
"Honey, I'm in here. What is it?"
"I was invited to a party tomorrow night!"
"That's great! But I'm not so sure about this. Nothing good ever happens at high school parties."
"Oh, mom, please! She said her parents would be home and nothing bad will be there. She's a good kid, mom, she really is!" The first time I ever lied to my mom and I did it without even second guessing myself. After hours of trying to convince my mom to let me go she finally said yes. "Thank you mom! So much! I love you!"
"I love you too, sweetie. Go get some rest. I'll see you in the morning"
I sprinted up stairs to my room, rummaging through my closet deciding what to wear. I didn't want to dress like my usual self. I wanted this single Friday night to be the start of the new Noel.
All day I was wondering what the party would be like. It was my first party since I was five years old and even though most people would be excited, I was extremely nervous. I didn’t know if everyone would like the new me, but all I could do was hope they would. Somewhere inside me, I felt like inviting me to the party was just a joke between Emily and all of her friends. Like I would get there and they would all make fun of me and tell me to leave. I really didn’t want that to happen but I’d find out eventually.
Finally it was ninth period and I got to go home. I decided I was going to walk to Emilys house since it wasn’t that far away. Plus, it’d save me the embarrassment of my mother dropping me off. When I got home, I immediately changed into my outfit. I put on my short white skirt and hot pink halter top and stood in front of the mirror. I wasn’t quite sure about this yet, but I knew I had to try it. I slid on my new black pumps and headed downstairs to face my mother. When I walked into the kitchen my mom was cooking dinner. She turned around, looked at me and her mouth dropped.
“Noel! What are you wearing?!”
“Mom, it’s okay, it’s just for the party.” I replied, nervously.
“I do not want my daughter dressing like that!” She shouted.
“But Mom! C’mon! Please!” I begged.
“No!” She screamed back.
I stormed out of the house and ran as far as I could before my feet started hurting. I stopped five blocks away from my house and took off my heels. But now what? I had no where to go, the party wasn’t for another three hours and I had no friends houses to go to. The only place I could think of was to go to Emily’s and I didn’t feel comfortable doing that.
Next thing I knew I was standing in front of Emily’s house debating whether or not to ring the door bell. I started to walk away from her house, regretting ever wanting to change. But then I heard my name, “Noel!” They shouted.
At first I thought it was my mother so I froze where I was, afraid to move in either direction.
“Yes?” I called back.
“Come in here!”
It was Emily. She must have seen me standing there.
I sat on her bed telling her the whole story how my mom didn’t approve of the new me. She asked a lot of questions like why I changed and ran away so I told her everything. This single moment felt like the start of my life, whether it was good or bad, I still didn’t know. Eventually, Emily and I started drinking. We took a few shots here and there preparing for people to arrive. Sooner or later the party started and people were piling in. At one point I felt the alcohol kicking in, but I just kept drinking. Throughout the party I met this boy, Matt. We hit it off really well at first, but both of us were drunk, so what would we know.
Around midnight I lost Emily. Matt grabbed my hand and took me into the kitchen to get more to drink. I knew this probably wasn’t good, considering I’ve never consumed alcohol before this night, but I did it anyway. A few more shots into the night and it started getting crazy.
I was lying on the floor with the sun blaring in my eyes. I didn’t know where I was and I was really confused why I was here. Slowly I started remembering the night before; drinking with Matt and how things got. I turned over and saw him laying next to me. The last thing I remember was Matt getting my drink. So how did I get here? Most importantly, what happened between then and now? Everything after that was a complete blur. All I knew was that I didn’t go home and that honestly, I had no desire to.
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